CARPE CERVISIA (Seize the Beer)
What reinforcements does the Librarian of UU have in mind, What does Nanny Ogg do after being drunk under the table and what to the Brotherhood want with one of UU's library books and will they pay the late returns fee?
Let's see...

 

No one was quite sure how the fight had started and didn't really care much either way. The only problem was that the Wizards of Unseen University were some what less fit than their XXXX counterparts. This resulted in many of the UU wizards dropping to the floor before a single punch had been thrown. The two Archchancellors BU and UU respectively had been above hitting each other, yet and were in the process of trying to stare each other down.

"You can't win you know," said Ridcully. "I can stare down a fish."
"That must be a bit unpleasant mate," BU's Archchancellor countered "I can stare down a XXXX blow fly and they've got multiple eyes."

The others wizards in the room had stopped falling or trying to hit each other to watch such an interesting match of, for want of a better word, wits. Octarine flashed between the two men, there was magic building up. A few of the more cowardly wizards ran for safety* but the rest watched to see what would happen.

Granny Weatherwax walked in.

A that moment a few things happened. One: There was something of a muffled curse from Dunmanifestin. Two: The magical build up in the room was creating sparks in wizards beards and even caused Granny's hair in the bun of steel to have a few strands come loose. Three: This statement to be uttered...

"Here, that man's dead. Which one of you lot done it?"

One of Ridcully's eyes shifted to his right to take in the sight of a woman he found most...intriguing, the other took the brunt of the BU Archchancellor's stare.

"One moment Esmerelda, I've some business to attend to." called Ridcully

"I can't hold with muckin' about all day. Someone's dead and you lot have to help us find out who done it." Granny took a silver serving tray from a nearby table and stuck it between the glare of the two wizards, the result was both wizards thrown to either side of the hall in a rather dazed state. BU's Archchancellor was the first up.

"Now see here, my good woman." BU's Archchancellor knew this wasn't the right thing to say to a witch but only after he'd said it. It would have been like saying the "M" word around UU's Librarian but Granny remained calm. She was going to try to stare him down the same way Ridcully had tried but there was something disconcerting about staring down someone profoundly cross-eyed, she looked at Ridcully to see him in the same state.

"Must have been the tray." She muttered.

"What?" BU's Archchancellor asked.

"Never mind, you fellows think you're very clever. Let's see how you do trying to work this one out. The chief Scumble judge is dead. You lot think you can work out who done it?"

"Surely that's a matter for the Watch." said BU's Dean.

"Watch couldn't catch a cold, let alone a murderer." was Ridcully's reply.

"Let's make a side wager then." This from BU's Professor in Future Relics. "Who killed the Scumble Judge?"

All eyes in the room turned to Future Relics. Normally he would have considered this a good thing, except the way they were looking at him.

"It was just a thought" he said

"For a wizard you're fairly bright," said Granny. "We'll help the Watch conduct it's investigation,"

Ridcully smiled at Granny and waggled his eyebrows, the effect would have been better had he not been cross-eyed.

"Separately." finished Granny. "Witches, Wizards and the Watch."

 

 

*Most of the UU Faculty. Go back to the text

 

Hmmm, well Granny stepped in and saved two Archchancellors from blowing themselves up but what has she done by suggesting that everyone try and work out Who Killed the Scumble Judge.
Stay tuned and see...

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