CARPE CERVISIA (Seize the Beer)
So far in the story, the Scumble Judge has been murdered and the UU Faculty and the BU
Faculty are blaming each other for the death. DEATH on the other hand has
entered the Scumble competition just as the Witches arrive in Ankh-Morpork and just who
are the strange Brotherhood bent on Disc domination, read on and see...
The librarians knuckled and walked there way along a corridor. After looking at Ian Clubfoot's 'Rock Massacre' (mint condition, but not tasting of mint, much to the UU Librarians disappointment), they had gone looking for more information on scumble, and how to make a container that the scumble would not leak, climb or evaporate from. They were high in the Library, up among the levitation books, owls and dust. The BU Librarian lent out over the railing and looked up. (This is a magical library of course).
"Whoa, we are high. How much further?"
"Oook."
"Ok. That far. May I make a suggestion? This is your library."
"Oook, eek ook!"
"OK." The BU librarain pulled a bird out of his hat. It was about 30 cm tall,
with black and white markings.
"Oook? EEK! Ook ook."
"This? Its a magpie. And XXXX Magipe. No it wont crap everywhere. Yes it
can help. This species has roosted in my Library for years now, and can use L-Space."
He whispered into the Magpies ear, then relased him. "They are quite good you
know. They are collecters, just like all Librarians. This way."
Cutting across 30 meters of empty space (What do you think is between shelves?), they came out on a small, dim corridor. The UU Librarian imediately knuckled up the shelf, and removed a book.
"Whats that red book next to it?" called up the BU Librarian. "It looks important."
The UU Librarian pulled that book out as well, and climed down. Taking the red book, the BU Librarian wiped the dust off.
"De Dander of Scumble, By a Surviior"
"What?"
As they walked back to the main floor, the BU Librarian started to read, slightly concussing himself on pillars and shelves, untill the UU Librarian caught a trolley and pushed him onto it.
"Oh my, oh my! Listen to this. It comes from XXXX, I wonder how it got here? Anyway And it came that there was a scumble competition. All the best brewers came, with there best recipies. On the third day, when the compition was judged, all the scumble was layed out on a long table. The the judge knocked that table. The explosion was seen as far way as Mels Burg and Bris bane. We only know what happened becuase the wizards of Mels Burg trapped Death and asked him.
This is a warning, NEVER HAVE A SCUMBLE COMPITION AGAIN. THE WORLD IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH. IT COULD MEAN THE END OF THE WORLD. If it expoldes, Great Atuin will get lost, and we will all die! We must let everybody know! Librarian?"
He looked around, to see the Librarians limp body slumped over the trolley handles.
"What happened?"
He stared around him, just in time to see a robed stranger stab him with a pin. He fell deeply into sleep.
"Grand Master, we did as you commanded."
"The two of them, you got both?"
"Yes Grand Master."
"How about the book?"
"Yes Grand Master." One of the Hoods pulled out a green book and handed it to
the Grand Master.
He smiled horriblely and, pulling a packet of matches out, set fire to it.
"Now the Brotherhood will rule the world! No one will live! We will rule!"
"What will we rule, if everyone is dead?"
"WHAT WAS THAT!"
"Nothing, Grand Master"
"Good."
* * *
The BU Librarian groaned. His head felt like someone had hit it with a hammer. A faint "ook" caused him to open his eyes. They were in a small room, with a pile of old sacks in the opposite corner. There was also a book on a lectern in the middle. Presumably it was a lectern, it was carved like a large bird, and the book was tethered to the lectern, and it was covered with locks. Getting up gently, less his head fall off, he walked across the room, to the pile of old sacks. Gently prodding it, it unfolded a head.
"Ook" moaned the Librarian.
"Yes I know. Where are we?" The Librarian raised his head.
"EEK! OOOK OOK EEEK! EEK!"
"The what? The Ocavio Room. How do we get out?"
"Ook."
"The door. Ok." The tall thin man walked across to the door and tried it.
"Nope. Locked tight. Any other way out?"
"Ook." The Librarian moaned again. "None! Are you sure. Of course you are
sure", he amended as the lip rolled back. "And it will be ages before anyone
comes down here. Who hit us? Why?"
The BU Librarian suddenly started to check his pockets.
"I've lost one of the books!" He pulled out the book with the Dark Red cover. "Did they hit us to get the other book? Why? There were other copies. Anyway that is not important at the moment. After we get out we will go and...talk to those people."
The Librarian's shared a nasty grin. The BU Librarian frowned.
"I think I might be able to get us out of here. But it's against the Lore."
"Oook, Ook oook."
"Yes, the Lore doesnt matter if you are dead. I learnt this a few years ago, from a
lady Witch called Nanny Ogg. She had a interesting cat I remember. He tried to eat my
Magpie. Where is my Magpie!" A dark shape swooped out the ceiling. "Ahh good.
Anyway I got here into a drinking compition, and the bet was it I won, she would try and
teach me witch magic. If I lost, I would give her my recipe for LongDrink. She didn't
realise that we could make no alcohol beer. I drank her under the table, and all I got was
a intense need to vist the dunny. Anyway, she taught me this."
He leant his hands against the old wood of the door. After gritting his teeth, he pushed. The wood groaned. He pushed again. A nail squeaked. And again. A leaf unfolded. And again. A root grew, and searched around the ground. It bored into a crack. Then the door exploded silently. When the Librarian opened his eyes, there was the bottom of a huge Oak tree. The BU Librarian was sitting on a branch swinging gently. Through a crack in the trunk the Librarian could see the dark corridor beyond.
"You know, I think I gave it to much!", the BU librarian chuckled.
"OOK! OOK, OOK OKK ! EEEK!"
"What I do? Well I just reminded the door it used to be a tree, and wouldn't it like
to be a tree again. But I told it to well. What's above this?"
"Oook, Ook, Ook, Ook."
"The Kitchens, part of the Library, and the Great Hall. Oh well, you'll have a bumber
crop of acorns. Lets Go Get Them!"
"Ook".
"What Reinforcements. Who did you have in mind?"
Yes what reinforcements does the Librarian of UU have in mind, What
does Nanny Ogg do after being drunk under the table and what to the Brotherhood want with
one of UU's library books and will they pay the late returns fee?
Go forward and find out...